I hear from so many people, “I’m so tired of fighting. Everything is a struggle.” And I always reply with, “What if you stopped fighting? What if you just surrender to what is?”
I spent a good portion of my adult life fighting what was. Trying to control everything and everyone. Of course, I didn’t see it that way. I saw it as me trying to help everyone. Everyone but myself.
I was constantly frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, and felt completely out of control of everything. Because that’s what happens when we try to fight what is and control everything. Here’s a secret … the only thing you can control is you.
The more we try to control things, the less in control we are. When we surrender to what is and focus our energy on our own crap instead of trying to manipulate or fight all the things for ourselves and everyone we love, suddenly life becomes easier.
Lao Tzu put it this way:
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”Lao Tzu
The thing is, there will always be painful events in our lives. That’s just part of life. It’s a given. However, we fight feeling that pain so much that we cause ourselves suffering. And suffering, my friends, is a choice. It’s optional. It is not a given. We suffer when we refuse to surrender and continue to fight what is. Seems a bit silly, doesn’t it? To cause yourself more pain trying to ignore the pain that is there? Why do we do this?
I tell my clients all the time, “You’re fighting the current.” It’s important that we stop trying to find a safe place to pull our boat out of the flow and just allow the current take us down the river. We will always end up where we’re supposed to be. Even if we have to navigate through some pretty rough rapids along the way.
So … why do we insist upon creating struggle in our lives?
Fear. Resistance to change. Refusal to let go of the past. Continuing to feel guilty for past behaviors (that you can’t take back or change anyway). Anger – at ourselves or others for past actions. Anger that things “never” go our way. And an incredible fear of letting go of control. The irony is … it’s all of these things that make us feel out of control. And yet we cling to them and make them part of our identity in an effort to feel like we are in control.
Eckhart Tolle has a lovely take on the power of surrender:
“Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace is transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”Eckhart Tolle
Surrendering doesn’t mean giving up. It means you’re finally accepting what is and realizing that fighting it only makes it worse.
The beauty is, there are techniques and tools available to you to help you learn how to surrender. To accept. To ride the current and let it take you where you are supposed to be. You can heal the pain that’s causing the struggle in your life and find peace. The only question is, are you ready to take off the boxing gloves and start healing?